an evening.

planet earth just doesn’t seem quite as impressive on my 12 inch TV screen.

 

okay, we’ll just say it’s humbling.  i’m not yet at the point in my life where i could possibly fathom buying a bigger TV…let alone replacing this one in the event something happens to it.  Oh my goodness, I hate to say that I’m somehow addicted to the television, but sometimes you just need the combination of sounds and pictures to not feel lonely if it’s a lonely kind of evening.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to read, but just not all the time.

 

i’m sitting here in robert’s old baseball shirt (last name on the back, sleeves cut off to show manly high school muscles…in my case i wear something under it seeing as there are no muscles worthy of displaying and it’s quite breezy) drinking a glass of wine after a pretty long night at work.  had another 8:40 table come in…(we close at 9:00)  for some reason those tables are never mine, so I always end up standing around.  i will NEVER understand why people–and hoenstly, I’m going to say 25 percent of people–don’t understand that restaurants close and people are not waiting around for their health.  i mean, i would NEVER come into a place when I see it’s going to close in 20 minutes.  i’m sure my bosses appreciate the business, but it just kind of seems like those people feel entitled.  it’s my hope to raise children who are aware of those around them.  empathetic?  that’s the word, I think.  Just aware and caring, that’s all i ask.  i’ve met some pretty inconsiderate people my age and it’s got to be a lot about the parenting and the school environment.  i’m just guessing, though.

 

going to be a pretty long week here.  i work a lot, robert has a lot of school work, he has choir tour this weekend and so no weekend sleepover  it’ll be okay though.  i just need to consider how much less i would have seen him in the event that i hadn’t moved.  moving was such a good choice.  taking a year off was such a good choice.  being with him was an IMPECCABLE choice

 

anyway i believe i should probably stop all this cognitive function for a while.  i’ll try to write more frequently but i’m not making promises

and in retrospect to the post below this one:

perhaps this is why i have no friends that i could categorize as super close; i subconsciously know that i won’t be able to give them enough time and they will inevitably lash out at me because of it.  how enjoyable is friendship like that?  it’s been a soul-searchin’ kind of afternoon.

steady as we go.

the hard truth:

 

friends come and go.  only a few friends in your life are going to be everlasting; those are the people who are eternally respectful and loving toward you.  They’re not the people who will criticize you for how you spend your time; they’re not going to think of your friendship as an obligation. They’re not the people who aren’t be upfront with you.  They aren’t the people who get others to do their dirty work when it comes to their own issues regarding you.  Real friends–the ones that are going to last–aren’t so egocentric as to think that you are going to fall at their feet forever.

For example:  my friend Mer.  We have been friends for close to 10 years.  No, we have NOT spent day after day together.  There have been months where we haven’t seen each other, but we still try to hang out every now and then.  We both make an effort.  She’s not sitting at home writing mean things in her journal about me because we’re not hanging out more because we both have things we need to do in our own lives.  Of course I’d love if I could see her on a more regular basis, but it’s hard to balance schedules.  We understand this.  This is why we are going to be friends for life.  We appreciate the time we have together but we don’t resent each other due to the fact that lives change.  

Friends who expect you to put in all the effort are going to go.  Friends like those are going to someday fall madly in love and know what you were thinking, and by then you won’t be close to them.  It’s the mutual effort that’s missing a lot of the time–you have to call that person and show them that you want to be a part of their life, not just sit idly by and stew and resent them for not coming up to you at all occasions begging for their company.

 

there was a point to me writing that, but it’s underlying.  let’s just say that i was working out the truth for myself this afternoon.  

 

until then.