friends.

my life: work, robert, dinner, lunch, breakfast, work, housemates, work…etc

i am in a serious relationship and i’m working a serious job (time-wise, at least) and due to this i feel like i can’t make enough time for my “extras”–painting, hanging out with girl friends, violin, practicing voice, reading–and because of this i am becoming slightly dismayed. the friend thing especially bugs me. i have felt–and since around middle school, mind you–that i am not very skilled in the arena of having female friends. only the friends that have stuck with me since the beginning of time can i socialize well with, and i really have no idea why. i have this internal yearning to have multiple, close female friends, but for some reason girls don’t take well to me. i think i might communicate too much like a guy? i don’t try hard enough? i hope that people try to work to be my friend as well? it’s a conglomeration of questions that I don’t have a lot of answers to. all I know is that i try to a point, but if i don’t feel much reciprocation from the person then i give up pretty quickly. i wish it wasn’t such a process full of niceties and petty conversation; i’d like to meet some people and show them interest and have them show me some back. that’s all i ask.