an evening.

planet earth just doesn’t seem quite as impressive on my 12 inch TV screen.

 

okay, we’ll just say it’s humbling.  i’m not yet at the point in my life where i could possibly fathom buying a bigger TV…let alone replacing this one in the event something happens to it.  Oh my goodness, I hate to say that I’m somehow addicted to the television, but sometimes you just need the combination of sounds and pictures to not feel lonely if it’s a lonely kind of evening.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to read, but just not all the time.

 

i’m sitting here in robert’s old baseball shirt (last name on the back, sleeves cut off to show manly high school muscles…in my case i wear something under it seeing as there are no muscles worthy of displaying and it’s quite breezy) drinking a glass of wine after a pretty long night at work.  had another 8:40 table come in…(we close at 9:00)  for some reason those tables are never mine, so I always end up standing around.  i will NEVER understand why people–and hoenstly, I’m going to say 25 percent of people–don’t understand that restaurants close and people are not waiting around for their health.  i mean, i would NEVER come into a place when I see it’s going to close in 20 minutes.  i’m sure my bosses appreciate the business, but it just kind of seems like those people feel entitled.  it’s my hope to raise children who are aware of those around them.  empathetic?  that’s the word, I think.  Just aware and caring, that’s all i ask.  i’ve met some pretty inconsiderate people my age and it’s got to be a lot about the parenting and the school environment.  i’m just guessing, though.

 

going to be a pretty long week here.  i work a lot, robert has a lot of school work, he has choir tour this weekend and so no weekend sleepover  it’ll be okay though.  i just need to consider how much less i would have seen him in the event that i hadn’t moved.  moving was such a good choice.  taking a year off was such a good choice.  being with him was an IMPECCABLE choice

 

anyway i believe i should probably stop all this cognitive function for a while.  i’ll try to write more frequently but i’m not making promises

and in retrospect to the post below this one:

perhaps this is why i have no friends that i could categorize as super close; i subconsciously know that i won’t be able to give them enough time and they will inevitably lash out at me because of it.  how enjoyable is friendship like that?  it’s been a soul-searchin’ kind of afternoon.

steady as we go.

the hard truth:

 

friends come and go.  only a few friends in your life are going to be everlasting; those are the people who are eternally respectful and loving toward you.  They’re not the people who will criticize you for how you spend your time; they’re not going to think of your friendship as an obligation. They’re not the people who aren’t be upfront with you.  They aren’t the people who get others to do their dirty work when it comes to their own issues regarding you.  Real friends–the ones that are going to last–aren’t so egocentric as to think that you are going to fall at their feet forever.

For example:  my friend Mer.  We have been friends for close to 10 years.  No, we have NOT spent day after day together.  There have been months where we haven’t seen each other, but we still try to hang out every now and then.  We both make an effort.  She’s not sitting at home writing mean things in her journal about me because we’re not hanging out more because we both have things we need to do in our own lives.  Of course I’d love if I could see her on a more regular basis, but it’s hard to balance schedules.  We understand this.  This is why we are going to be friends for life.  We appreciate the time we have together but we don’t resent each other due to the fact that lives change.  

Friends who expect you to put in all the effort are going to go.  Friends like those are going to someday fall madly in love and know what you were thinking, and by then you won’t be close to them.  It’s the mutual effort that’s missing a lot of the time–you have to call that person and show them that you want to be a part of their life, not just sit idly by and stew and resent them for not coming up to you at all occasions begging for their company.

 

there was a point to me writing that, but it’s underlying.  let’s just say that i was working out the truth for myself this afternoon.  

 

until then.

this must be the place.

lately.

 

Life is going quite well.  Work is awesome, I’m getting along with everyone there (including my robot boss and his Spanish wife, chachiiing) and I’m making really good money.  I’m almost done with my grad school applications. I’m starting voice lessons again this week.  I bought a canvas and I’m going to paint soon.  I keep having these premonitions that I’m going to look fondly back on this part of my life.  It’s a little vagabondish, a little bit foolish, but my oh my if it isn’t exactly where I want to be.

In negative news:

  Rant: I can’t believe—and this sounds harsh, I know—that I dated such a pervert for the better part of a year.  That kind of stuff catches up to you, you know?  It most definitely impacts personal and business potential.  The worst part about it is that it’s under this “art” facade, and there’s a pretty thick line between art and smut that some people just cannot grasp.  The sad thing is is that he’s really talented in photography; I hope he ends up “using his powers for good rather than for evil” in the future.  

Okay, got that off my chest.  So, in happier news:

The love between me and Robert has been undulating and twisting and shaping into something even more beautiful than I initially imagined.   God!  I have never woken up next to someone and immediately smiled every single time.  I hate to be all syrupy and cliche, but there just aren’t words for it yet.  I read a quote somewhere that you won’t know until the end of your life exactly who your truest love was, but I have a pretty good idea so far.

Random thought of the afternoon: I find it very uncomfortable to see “older people” (e.g. people over 40) doing beer bongs.  I haven’t even done a beer bong, but something about the imagine is slightly pathetic looking.

That’s all for now.

 

P.S.: People are googling my blog.  Who are you?  Show yourself!

friends.

my life: work, robert, dinner, lunch, breakfast, work, housemates, work…etc

i am in a serious relationship and i’m working a serious job (time-wise, at least) and due to this i feel like i can’t make enough time for my “extras”–painting, hanging out with girl friends, violin, practicing voice, reading–and because of this i am becoming slightly dismayed. the friend thing especially bugs me. i have felt–and since around middle school, mind you–that i am not very skilled in the arena of having female friends. only the friends that have stuck with me since the beginning of time can i socialize well with, and i really have no idea why. i have this internal yearning to have multiple, close female friends, but for some reason girls don’t take well to me. i think i might communicate too much like a guy? i don’t try hard enough? i hope that people try to work to be my friend as well? it’s a conglomeration of questions that I don’t have a lot of answers to. all I know is that i try to a point, but if i don’t feel much reciprocation from the person then i give up pretty quickly. i wish it wasn’t such a process full of niceties and petty conversation; i’d like to meet some people and show them interest and have them show me some back. that’s all i ask.

phew.

well, i’m exhausted. i worked a double at the italian place today; made good money and it wasn’t overly stressful or anything but something about constantly communicating for 7+ hours makes me really tired. it’s a introvert thing…oh, i don’t know.

anyway, the move went well. at first i was really homesick and didn’t like the idea of being away from home at all, despite the fact that i spend four years in college away from home. i don’t know what’s with me, i just get acclimated to how i do things and change messes me up for about two weeks. but yes, i’m good now.

my housemates are really nice. i feel like once i’ve been here awhile i’ll make some lifelong friends out of this whole thing. robert has been over more than he hasn’t and it’s scrumptious. i love the kid! love! he gave me this beautiful tourmaline ring for my birthday in the fashion of promise ring lite…and i’m overjoyed.

but man! listen to me. being out of college for a mere eight months and i’m writing in these stunted sentences with minimal vocabulary. cum laude for nothing! i need to read more, obviously. speaking of, i really need to be writing more, especially since i won all those writing awards in high school and since i’ve put some amazing essays out into the academic void but as far as creative writing i just haven’t had a venue. i wish there were more classes that people could take outside of being enrolled in a college; i would eat some creative writing classes up right now. and guitar lessons. GIVE ME GUITAR LESSONS!

anyway, i suppose that’s all for right now. seeing as no one reads this it makes it hard to remember to update but it’s important to log my life out.

talk to you soon.
-sarah

my goodness

I’ve been busy. I will start updating again soon though, and hopefully in a more detailed fashion.

quick news:
1. fuck you bally fitness, my lease so is good enough. luckily i’ll send a bank statement soon and they’ll stop being total money sluts and cancel my membership.
2. i work at an italian place right now, it’s SO MUCH BETTER than anywhere else I’ve worked by 300 percent. I actually make money. I get to work good nights. No one there is related to the boss. (thank GOD!)
3. my housemates are great. we have a dog. i actually like this dog.
4. i can cook!
5. go obama!
6. see you soon.

schedule

1. pedicure

2. lunch with katie (!!)

3. coffee with aliya (!!)

4. drop off my painting at work

 
 

 5. finish packing

monday at 8AM: shove off to move!!

a scare

love is hard.  real, unabashed, complete love of another person is one of the scariest things i have ever experienced.  

 

robert has a really bad case of the stomach flu.  I know, i know, it sounds like a petty thing to worry about, but I’ve been up with him since 4:30 in the morning; he’s been throwing up every fifteen minutes or so and he even had some chest tightness at one point so we ended up at the doctor.  He had three vials of blood drawn, an EKG, a shot for nausea and got a prescription as well.  He’s upstairs sleeping now and for some reason I’m checking on him like a woman with a newborn child.

I’ve been trying my absolute best to make him feel better.  It hasn’t been difficult, though..it’s strange how he has come before everything else.  I didn’t eat until he fell asleep recently, I haven’t showered…and I’m not trying to make myself sound like I’m trying to get credit for it or anything, but it’s interesting to me how easily I put him first.  I love him so much.  I’ve come to understand lately that true love isn’t self-serving in the least and this is the first relationship I have ever been in that makes me feel this way.  I think that’s how you know you’re with the right person…when it’s easy to love them and care for them beyond your own selfish desires.

Anyway, better shower since it’s 2 pm!!